Right now we are doing a “Marriage” series at church and it certainly is hitting all the “pain points.” It was funny because as we sat there in our row as a family, our 11 year old and 15 year old girls looked on intently as the pastor talked about the “truths” about marriage. After he was done, I turned to my husband and said with a chuckle, “Ava and Stella are probably thinking, “why would we ever get married?” And we both laughed.
The pastor talked about losing your freedoms when you’re married because two become one and your life is no longer your own. He talked about how the expectations that two people have about marriage often aren’t communicated prior to getting married and are causes of major arguments and sometimes divorce. He even dove into how after a few years after the wedding, the person that you thought you married and the actual person you married are most often two different people. He said you realize that the person staring back at you is, get this, a human! (Now, that made me laugh.)
But as sad and strange as it probably came across to our kids, there was a room full of adults feeling relief. Knowing that every couple goes through these same things at some point makes you feel a little more “normal” and especially as a newly wed like myself, you begin to understand that just like we are a work in progress, so is our marriage!
I can be hard on myself and also hard on my relationship because I want it to be amazing (because those are expectations I set, lol.) But in doing so, I realized I was causing more turmoil then good. I would look at any adversity that came up as a stumbling block or tragedy and be a victim of it. My reaction was to look at the problem and blame Neil. Or I’d carry around this thought during our argument- “marriage is supposed to be all happy and butterflies, why isn’t it always the way I think it should be?”
And then a shift in perspective came as I was sitting with God one morning. He is always so faithful that way. He basically said “your adversities are growth opportunities to be more like me.” I heard it loud and clear and almost fell off my chair. It was like a light was turned on in the middle of a pitch dark room. He spoke to my heart so clearly.
Ladies, he wants us to be more like him and he wants us to be the women he created us to be and he can’t do that without working on us. And work isn’t easy. So we are going to feel it. Through problems, weakness, failures and neediness is when we learn to rely on him and that is when he CHANGES us for the better.
God is good. And through marriage he is “doing a new thing in us.” (Isaiah 43:19). See the adversity in your relationships as an opportunity to be more like the Lord. To set aside pride, anger, fear, judgement, defensiveness or whatever he is working out in you. Allow God through the adversity to make you the woman he sees you as and in turn he will create a beautiful marriage!
He put this promise in my heart. And I hope the reason he did so, wasn’t just to effect my life and marriage but yours as well.
Remember, you can trust God, so let Him work out the details as you simply respond in faith.
Fabulously Flawed,
Jill Rohrbaugh